In the Sanctuary

     Sunday mornings were always challenging when my son was a toddler. The crying would begin as we walked back to the church nursery, and though his class was filled with toys and friends and people who would provide loving care for him, his separation from me would cause stress, fear and sadness. But I left him. 
     As I worshiped in the adjoining sanctuary I felt I was in the presence of the Lord. I was at peace and I was where I was supposed to be. I knew that my son was missing me, but our time apart would be short. I looked forward to the day he would be old enough to come with me into the sanctuary and we would stand before the Lord together. 
     I was reminded of these emotions years later when I lost my dad. I was the crying child while he had stepped into God's sanctuary in heaven. At times when I think " I will never see him again" I am reminded that he is where he should be and when the time is right I will join him there.  I have shared this analogy on occasion and hope it brings comfort.

Taking off your nurse's cap

    I felt an advantage being a nurse, acting as my mothers advocate as her advanced dementia required her being a LTC facility resident.  I was her daughter and loved her, and part of that love was monitoring her care, reviewing her medication orders, labs and watching for skin breakdown, fall risks, etc.  I was involved with her care plan and acted as her primary contact and power of attorney. I explained her medical issues to my siblings. I knew her medical history better than anyone.
     I had a history of caring for my mom since my fathers death 10 years before.  My father's last words to me being "take care of your mother". And so I did. I moved her near me and then in with my family  until her dementia made it unsafe for her to ever be alone. I worked full time on a telemetry unit, night shift and my husband a hospital pharmacist. I visited her frequently in LTC and took her to all doctor's appointments.
      I understood when it was time for hospice care and explained it to my brother and sister.   My way of demonstrating love to my mother did not change when she was actively dying. I spoke to her, held her and brushed her hair, but I also assisted in turning her, fixing her pillows, listened to her heart and lung sounds and asked for heel protectors etc. I helped bathe her because I had been doing so for years.
   The hospice social worker admonished me for being a nurse instead of a daughter, and told me I should let others be the nurse now. He told me it was time to "take off my nurse's cap" and just be a daughter. This went against the grain for me.  I don't think I was being the control freak nurse/daughter. ( We have all dealt with those before) I tried to explain that providing care to my mother was how I loved her.  I felt self conscious asking about her vital signs or medication doses after that.  After she passed I relented and let the nursing techs bathe her. Often I have thought back and wished I had bathed her that last time.
   Isn't it possible to be a good daughter and still think like a nurse?  Was my behavior any different than any other caregivers?  How do you separate the roles?

   
   

We are not Angels

     "I feel drained, like I have nothing more to give." This can be felt by nurses in many areas, but especially those caring for  patients suffering with pain , the terminally ill, or those with traumas. Compassion Fatigue can overcome a caregiver with little warning, unlike burnout which builds slowly.  There has been a lot of research done on this topic recently. I have offered links to websites offering support and training as well as a link to Professional Quality of Life's assessment tool so nurses can check their emotional vital signs every now and then.
      Don't keep it bottled up!  Debriefing, sharing with other staff members, and feeling supported by your co-workers and managers makes a huge impact on recovering.  Staff members should have an opportunity to express their feelings in a nonjudgmental atmosphere.  Many don't confide to co-workers because they don't want to appear weak, unable to perform, or incompetent.  C.F. often attacks the best nurses, those who set high standards in their practice and show compassion and empathy to their patients.
        Nurses must practice self-care and find coping strategies to keep balance. Sometimes the simple act of sitting quietly with controlled breathing will do wonders.  Don't ignore your health, and seek professional help when necessary. Remember, we are not angels, nor supernatural. We are humans with physical, spiritual and emotional limitations. Being compassionate is a quality needed for our role as caregivers, but it also makes us vulnerable.

Listen to this song by Francesca Batastelli

Angel by your Side song by Francesca Batastelli     click on song title to play